woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
