You just made me feel so damn special
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
