worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
