READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
