If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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