Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
