I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have aggressive nipples.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
