i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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