What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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