I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize