you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
