I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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