Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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