reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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