Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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