She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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