you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
