Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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