Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
