I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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