I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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