can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
