i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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