My sheets look like a crime scene.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
