2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
