well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
