I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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