I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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