the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
