Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize