we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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