I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your penis caused this!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
