Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
