I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
