Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
