he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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