just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
