I am puke
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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