Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
