Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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