Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
