You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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