So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
