I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
