But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
