I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
