I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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