508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
