a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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