the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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