By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
