Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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