goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
