So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
