Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
