WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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