I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pooping to opera.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
