I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
