lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
