WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
