I just threw up on my dentist
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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