things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
