I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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