I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize