some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
