Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
