I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
