guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
