I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize