He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
