A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize